


Changing Everything Until It's Perfect

by Broken_Twisted_Lullabies



Series: Unnatural Writers Club [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, But not in a good way, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Gabriel thinks he can make all of this perfect, Gabriel's in love and he'll do anything for her, Kali is a jerk to poor Gabriel, Unnatural Writers Club, abusive relationship (in a way), art major!Gabriel, business major!Kali, changing yourself for someone else, not gonna end happy, prompt - sing a song, unhealthy idealization of perfection, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-02 22:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11518845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_Twisted_Lullabies/pseuds/Broken_Twisted_Lullabies
Summary: Gabriel’s mother always told him to never change for another and he never broke that promise until Kali had come around. She had been his exception.





	1. Changing Everything Until It's Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> I do not condone what Gabriel does during this fic as you should not change yourself to be with another person and if you are, it’s not a healthy relationship you should be keeping. You should’ve have to wreck yourself to be someone else ideal person. 
> 
> Also, try to guess the song that this story was based off of! The answer will be given at the end but try to guess what it is. Hint: pay attention to the words used

When Gabriel was little, his mother told him that he should never change for anyone.

She told him he was perfect just the way he was and Gabriel believed that. All through elementary school and high school, he didn’t try to change or alter his personality or interests for another person. He didn’t do it to gain friends, to get the attention of the girl he liked; no one was the boss of Gabriel except him. His followed his mother’s advice to heart and even on her deathbed, promised he’d never change for another. And he kept that promise. That was, until he met Kali. Then suddenly things changed.

She was beautiful, perfect in a million ways with her sharp wit and tongue to match, dark eyes like the night sky. Everything about her was intoxicating, dragging Gabriel in and he wanted her. So he decided to approach her one afternoon right after they had finished their English class, wondering if perhaps she wanted to get coffee with him, should she not be busy with school work or studying for a test for another class. Kali had looked at him carefully with her dark eyes, taking in his appearance, the shabby jeans and slightly baggy hoodie he was wearing before scoffing and stating she didn’t go out on dates with art majors. She only dated people with respectable majors, ones that would eventually get them far in life and not lead to someone barely scraping by.  She then left without bothering to look back, disappearing into the crowd of university students, leaving Gabriel still standing there at the entrance to the room.

Her rejection stung, mostly because she had insulted Gabriel’s one true passion. Art was everything to him and he always poured his blood and soul into every piece he made. He was incredibly talented and everyone said so. Everyone, it seemed, said except for Kali. The business major had taken one look at his paint flecked hands and hoodie and turned him down without a second thought. Her cruel words tore him apart, shredding what he loved.

So, bitter and determined to prove her wrong, Gabriel decided to show her that art was a respectable major and would get him far in life.

At his small apartment, he took out his sketchbook and drew her pictures of flowers, tons of them. They covered a full page; all so realistic in detail one walking by may accidentally mistake them for actual ones. He then pulled out that page from his book and a few days later, handed it to her with a grin. That grin soon slipped as she looked over the page with uninterested eyes, a perfect brow raised, unimpressed.

“This is nice,” she began, piecing together her words perfectly and Gabriel held his breath. “But nothing to survive on.” She handed him back the page. “A good hobby to have.”

That comment had made his blood boil and Gabriel knew he was going to step it up a notch. He was going to continue to try to prove her wrong and make her eat her words. So he tried. And he tried. And he tried. Again and again and again he tried to get her to go out with him, all while remaining true to himself and his mother’s words. He wasn’t going to change for another. But none of his tricks worked and Gabriel found himself growing frustrated at every remark and snide comment he received about his “hobby” or shabby appearance.

That was something that bugged him, that her judgement was based on what he wore and one day, as he began to get ready, Gabriel paused. He didn’t want to change to please Kali but surely dressing a bit nicer wasn’t changing for another. His mother had been referring to his personality when saying to not change for another and his clothing style wasn’t that drastic of a change, right? No, it wasn’t and so Gabriel did just that. He began to dress nicer, appearing much cleaner and more put together with nice pants and shirts free of paint stains. He even chose a different bag; one much less beat up than the one he normally used. Overall, it was nothing big and Gabriel smiled at himself in the mirror. This could work.

But somehow that didn’t get him much.

She didn't scoff at his outfit, at least, when he asked her again, but at the same time, she didn't say yes.

So Gabriel decided to try something else. Again nothing too drastic because he wasn’t going to change completely for another, just make little fix ups.

He decided to change his work habits. Nothing big, just signing up for a few extra courses unrelated to his major that were deemed to be much more respectable (like history and politics), especially in Kali’s eyes. Gabriel began to study harder, raising his grades higher and higher, and excelling in every course. He hoped this would catch Kali’s eye, showing her he was intelligent as well and it did, a bit. She began to talk with him a bit longer when he approached her after class, asking her out rather than turning him down immediately but still it wasn’t enough. At the end of the day, they still went their separate ways.

So Gabriel changed just a little bit more.

He still remained faithful to his promise he had made to his mother but he decided to switch majors to try something else (a fresh change and to try something new, he had told his family when they asked, confused about it). He became a history and English major (why both he had no clue but it appeared to make him look smarter so why not?) and focused less on his art, instead more on practical subjects that would earn him more money later on in life. And that definitely caught Kali's attention. She started to approach him herself, starting up a conversation with him and by the middle of their second year, had accepted his invitation for coffee. Now having his shot with her, his love for her only grew and Gabriel knew he couldn’t let her slip through his fingers. Not when he was this close. So he changed a bit more. He was desperate to keep her and despite the voice in his mind warning him not to do this, Gabriel changed his personality. He changed his interests and hobbies, likes and dislikes, twisting himself to be more like the perfect man Kali wanted him to be rather than whom he was originally.

He knew he was breaking his promise but this was hardly anything drastic. He was barely changing and after all, this was for  _ love. _ He knew his mother would understand.

Gabriel stopped going to his favourite places, finding instead better ones that were much nicer and classier, stopped wearing his favourite clothes and hanging out with certain people. He changed his friends group, hanging out with the business majors and law students rather than the art and drama majors because that was who Kali hung out with and wanted him to hang out with.

Whatever Kali liked, he liked and whatever she wanted, he wanted and that was all that mattered because he loved her. And so that was how one date became two which later turned to five.

He'd go with her to public events far too fancy for his tastes, smile widely and shake hands, chuckling and speaking with others that had "respectable" majors or careers, pushing away everything of his old life. He was willing to make sacrifices to keep the girl he loved, regardless of how much he hated it.

Even when they started officially dating as boyfriend and girlfriend, Gabriel kept changing for himself and when they moved in together, it was Gabriel who moved to Kali's apartment, not the other way around. He filled the walls with shelves of proper classics and textbooks, shoving his canvases and easel into the back of the closet to collect dust and be forgotten. His paints were locked away and sketchbooks dropped off at his old family house because that was the old Gabriel, Gabriel 1.0. This was Gabriel 2.0, the cool guy, the one with the girl. This Gabriel had everything the old Gabriel never did, a pretty girlfriend, tons of friends and was making steady cash without worry. Yes, he was changing far too drastically now, but that didn’t matter. He loved her and that love blinded him from everything else.

He lost his old friends as they complained Gabriel was changing in a bad way, becoming a jerk. Which was true as Gabriel did start to act more snobbish and rude while spending more time with Kali and her friends -- their friends. friends he knew since elementary school stopped talking to him, not liking this new Gabriel but that didn't bother Gabriel. He liked the new him and didn't plan on going back to the loser art major he once was.

Gabriel continued to change himself, bit by bit to make Kali happy, to keep her by his side. When she said he ate too many sweets and was becoming fat, he went on a diet, cutting out all sugary substances. He said goodbye to candy and chocolate and cake, not willing to become too fat that Kali grew disgusted and left him. He also exercised more, spending every single moment not studying or socializing working out to keep in shape. He burned off any fats he might've consumed and slowly but surely that became a bit too much, a bit obsessive even. Gabriel overworked himself to keep the perfect figure in Kali's eyes, doing everything he could to keep her satisfied because that was what mattered. Keeping Kali happy.

He did so much to himself, changing again and again without the slightest hesitation, willing to change everything about himself until he was perfect. Even when things began to fall apart or they hit a bump, he always took the blame and worked twice as hard to fix things, changing something else about himself so things worked out. if when it was Kali's fault something was going wrong, Gabriel was the one who changed because he didn't want to lose her or have her grow bored of him and kick him out.

His remaining few friends and siblings grew worried of him with the constant changes he kept making, saying how this wasn't him and he shouldn't keep doing this for Kali because one day she was going to leave him and he'd be a mess, having destroyed what once made him happy to be with her. Gabriel waved them off though, explaining he wasn't changing himself for Kali, not even as he stopped eating his favourite food (or even a lot of food in general) or hanging out with certain people or going certain places and spending money on things the old him hated.

Perhaps he shouldn’t noticed he was spinning out of control and doing so much damage but this fantasy he had of their love kept him trapped like a fly in a spider’s web, unaware that the spider was closing in on its prey. This obsession to be perfect in her eyes was beyond unhealthy; slowly destroying him as he constantly tore himself up for her, did everything to make her happy, to keep her close. But never once did he realize the truth of everything, how what he was in wasn’t love, how he changed himself so far beyond recognition and broke the one promise he had ever made.

His mother always told him never to change for anyone, but Kali had been his exception. 


	2. But It Still Fell Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel changed every bit of himself to keep Kali. But somehow, their relationship still fell apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long awaited part 2 to this! 
> 
> Originally this was going to be included in the first chapter but with the word limit of the prompt being 2,000 and this iffy and rough, I scrapped it. But I still kept going back to this idea about relationships like this never end well and well, I decided to continue this. 
> 
> I do not condone any relationships like this or changing yourself for another person.

Time seemed to fly and before they knew it, it was the couple’s four year anniversary from when they first started dating and Gabriel couldn’t be more ecstatic. He loved Kali with every fiber of himself and knew she was the one. She always had been, regardless of the snide comments his family members and old friends used to make. She was perfect, his happily ever after, and Gabriel had something big planned for this four year anniversary. Grinning widely, he held a bouquet of red roses for his girlfriend, and made his way up the stars to their condo, not risking taking the elevator in case they got squished.

He knew getting roses for an anniversary was a bit of a cheesy romantic gesture, and Kali had been adamant about how she hated them but being together for four years wasn’t something small. He wanted to show her how much he loved her and was happy they were together so that was why he got the flowers.

Gabriel hoped that perhaps she might do something as well for this celebration, as the year prior she hadn’t, instead viewing the date as any other date.

When he got to their floor, he began to make his way down the hallway only to feel a sense of wrongness in his gut. This caused him to pause mid step, smile dropping slightly. He had never felt this feeling before and it was hard to pinpoint what exactly was causing this feeling as he hadn’t been feeling this while entering the condominium or climbing the stairs. So why was he feeling this now? Why was there a soft voice in the back of his brain, murmuring unintelligent words and his gut twisting uncomfortably?

Gabriel tried to shake off the feeling, forcing his smile to return to reflect his prior happiness but now it felt wrong on his face and as he got closer to the door, the feeling worsened. Turning the corner, he noticed something at the foot of their door and this brought confusion to the blond haired man. Boxes. Four boxes sat stacked right beside the door but Gabriel didn’t remember either of them ordering anything online to be shipped to them.

Reaching the door, he chose to ignore the boxes, assuming they were for the neighbour but accidentally placed in front of their door. A quick glance to the top box caused his assumption to fall flat as there was no sticker to label the contents inside or their owner.

The feeling was not worse and he found himself shakily reaching into his pocket for his keys. However, he found his pockets empty save for his phone and wallet. He could’ve sworn they were in his jacket pocket but in his giddiness this morning he must’ve forgotten them and left them in the bowl. No reason to be worried or anxious.  Gabriel knocked on the door, hoping would let him in.

“Kali? I forgot my key, could you let me in?” He asked, raising his voice so he could be heard through the door. No response came however and now he began to frown, knocking again, this time louder. “Kali? I know you’re home babe,” he says, chuckling.

Still all he gets is silence.

_ Perhaps she’s just in the washroom _ , he reassures himself.  _ She’ll be out in a minute. _

So, while he waits, he decides to get a better look at the boxes. The four of them aren’t large, but neither are they small in size and they appear to be all taped shut, none with a label for shipping.  _ Definitely odd _ , his brain points out and Gabriel agrees. None of this makes sense and after ten minutes of waiting, Gabriel begins to grow worried. That feeling is stronger now, gut twisted and in knots, and the voice in his head is whispering louder and louder.

_ Wrong, wrong ,wrong. _

Over and over his brain signals this and Gabriel shuffles a foot, only to kick something: a piece of paper. Tape is on the top of the folded piece of paper and Gabriel guesses it was once taped to one of the boxes, only to come lose when he shifted the boxes looking for a label. Perhaps this is junk, old belongings and clothing too small that Kali was planning on throwing out and this note was placed on top to let Gabriel know. She didn’t tell him she was doing any spring cleaning but then again, Kali wasn’t always know for keeping him in the loop with things (in fact, he was almost always the last to know, which always caused him to sigh in frustration because he was her boyfriend! He should be one of the first people to know!).

Placing the roses carefully on the top of the first box, he unfolds the letter. Immediately the feeling of wrong returns and after reading the first line, he feels his heart drop.

_ ‘Gabriel, it’s over,’ _ it said in her neat handwriting _. ‘I don’t love you anymore. Your things are in the boxes, take them, and leave.’ _

Time seems to freeze and he shakes his head, this is some cruel joke. It has to be. So he reads it again. And again, and again, and again, and again. Perhaps he’s read this wrong, maybe half asleep – since it was still fairly early on in the morning – but each time the words remain the same. A hand grasps the door frame to hold himself up while the other one shakes as tears begin to form in the corners of Gabriel’s eyes. He feels nauseous, stomach churning at the words he just read.

No.  _ No, no, no, no, no _ !

This couldn’t be happening. Everything he had worked so perfectly to create and keep was now gone, and all it took was three short lines. After being together for four years, Kali had broken up with him in three lines, leaving behind a note taped to his belongings at the door.

The note in his hand is crumpled as his hand becomes a fist.  Gabriel began to knock on the door, frantic. “Kali! Kali please! Can’t we talk? I can fix this! I can fix this!” Gabriel yells, voice cracking. “I can fix this!” And he knows he can because it’s got to be his fault, it always is. Every argument, every disagreement, was all because of him. Because he didn’t agree with Kali. “Whatever I did I can fix! Just tell me what it is and I’ll change, I’ll change and then things’ll be perfect again!”

Over and over his brain chants he can fix this, a broken mantra that only makes this worse because reality is crashing down on Gabriel and he’s drowning. He’s drowning and doesn’t know how to swim to the surface.

He had given everything up for Kali, his dreams, his friends, ambitions, likes, hell he even went on a diet for her and exercised just so he could be everything she wanted him to be. Whatever she had wanted, he had given her so this wasn’t fair. It was like he was trapped in this horrible nightmare, unable to wake up because this was all real.

His grip on the door frame was now weak and knees buckling, Gabriel collapsed to his knees, tears falling down his cheeks. He tries to hold back the sobs that threaten to escape as he remain outside their – her door – surrounded by four boxes, all of his belongings from the last four years together. They aren’t even that big, and it makes him realize that he hardly had anything despite them being together for so long. Most people had tons of stuff but him; he had four boxes, one for each year. Almost everything in the condo had been Kali’s and Gabriel never realized that. He had almost nothing in comparison, a couple shirts, pants, and books along with a few sketchbooks he had shoved in the back of the closet.

How had all of this happened? And why did it take her crushing his heart for him to realize how big of a mistake he had made. He had lost everything, so many close friends and ruined the relationship he had with his brothers and parents. He was stuck with a job he truly hated and at one point considered throwing away all his sketchbooks – but a little voice in his head told him don’t do it so instead he had taken most of them to his old family house, dumping them in his old room – because Kali thought art was a mediocre hobby and Gabriel wanted her to be happy.

But making Kali had ruined Gabriel in the end, left him crushed and shattered, a ghost of the former him and Gabriel knew if he were to look in the mirror now, he wouldn’t recognize the face looking back.

Feverishly wiping away the tears, Gabriel gets to his feet and crumples the note into a ball. She ruined him this much but Kali isn’t going to get the satisfaction of him sobbing at the door, a pathetic mess so he grabs two boxes and makes his way to his car, loading them in before heading back for the others. They look even tinier in his car and when he gets into the driver’s seat, he breaks down fully. He’s sobbing his heart out, now in the privacy of his own car, fingers slipping into his hair and pulling.

_ It’s not fair! It’s not fair!  _ He wanted to scream, let her know how much she had ruined him, how far he had went to make her happy so why wasn’t he enough? Why wasn’t he good enough for her? Why couldn’t he make things perfect?

His thoughts are disjointed and a mess, all over the place, flinting between anger and hurt because half of him still loved Kali and the other half hated him for what she did to him.  __

Somewhere though, amidst the chaos inside his brain, he remembers the promise he had made to his mother.

_ “ _ I’m so sorry mum,” he whimpered, shoulders shaking with every sob. “I’m so so sorry.”

He had promised her he’d never change for anyone but Kali had been his exception. And now?

Now he was forced to pick up the broken pieces of his life, left with absolutely nothing.

But Gabriel didn’t know if he could. 

**Author's Note:**

> For the song in which this was based off of, it was Marianas Trench's Perfect


End file.
